There's a secret fraternity people are joining. Are you one of them?
The last one standing
About 25 years ago I moved in with a couple of friends. They happened to be fraternity brothers of mine from another school. One of them had a kegerator.
Over the next 4 years, we moved to a different apartment and eventually to a house. Along the way, one moved out and then the other.
Long story short, I ended up with the kegerator.
(For anyone unfamiliar with what a kegerator is, it’s exactly what it sounds like - a refrigerator for a keg - a beer cooler.)
Kegerators aren’t just for bars. They aren’t all massive walk-in coolers with dozens of hoses. They come in various shapes and sizes.
Most people keep their treasured possession in the living room, dining room, garage, or in their man cave. But if you have the extra money, there are some really cool places to put them.
Some people get theirs installed professionally under the counter in their kitchen. Some people build their own basement bar and add a kegerator to give it an authentic tavern feel. And some people go all out and turn their backyard shed into a game-day neighborhood bar.
I own a(n) [XYZ brand]. It’s a relatively small one on wheels that looks like a large dorm fridge. It has a single tap on top and it can only hold one keg at a time.
And it’s glorious!
Stigma
I know what some of you might be thinking, “Typical frat guy,” “Kegs are only for wild parties,” “You must be a raging alcoholic if you own a kegerator,” and “Die Hard is not a Christmas movie.”
All of these statements are FALSE!
I understand that the thought of having a kegerator, let alone that much beer in the house, might scare some people. Even the words, “keg” and “fraternity” can sometimes fire up wild images in one’s head.
For starters, most of what you see in the movies about fraternities is completely made up. We’re not a bunch of snobs, jocks, nerds, or party animals (depending on which movies you like). And even if a particular fraternity does fall into one of these categories, any respectable college administration would never allow the kind of wild behavior you see in movies to take place on campus. Not to mention the number of kids that would flunk out after their 1st year.
Second, I don’t throw wild parties. I’m too old for that. Besides, nobody likes to clean the house let alone after a huge party (I can’t imagine doing that over and over again).
Do I host family gatherings around the holidays?
Sometimes, yes.
Do I occasionally have some friends over?
Of course, I do. But, I also have a wife, 3 kids, and a job that I’m accountable for. So I can’t afford to throw wild parties and subject myself or my family to that kind of chaos.
Third, I’m not a raging alcoholic. (And yes, I know that’s exactly what an alcoholic would say. But seriously, I’m not.) I love to have a perfect glass of bourbon once in a while. I enjoy wine at dinner with my wife on occasion. And of course, I love beer. But I do all these in moderation. Besides, I hate hangovers - plus, remember the whole family and job responsibility thing?
Finally, Die Hard is a Christmas movie. Fight me - I will die on this hill. It takes place on Christmas Eve, he crashes a Christmas party to see his estranged wife, there’s Christmas music… just trust me. It’s a Christmas movie. So when you buy a keg in December, get some Christmas Ale and put in Die Hard - “Yippie-ki-yay!”
So you’re telling me there are others?
So fast forward a few years after taking sole custody of the kegerator - I was standing around the water cooler at work with a co-worker. We were talking about our weekends and we somehow got on the topic of beer. So I mentioned my prized possession.
I discovered that he has one too!
He told me that his cousin had one and eventually talked him into joining the club (I’m sure she really twisted his arm!).
From then on whenever we met at the water cooler we continued to talk about our recently discovered shared interest.
We talked about conversion kits and how to turn a regular refrigerator into a kegerator. We dreamed about big fancy ones with multiple taps, outdoor kegerators, and under-the-counter models that need to be professionally installed. We discussed the various tap handles we each own, the kind of gas we use, our favorite kinds of beer, and the various keg sizes.
We even talked about the one time he got root beer for his kids (by the way, they absolutely loved it).
We started to think about how owning one makes us feel like we belong to an exclusive club or something.
Owning a kegerator feels like being a VIP
It’s crazy though, neither one of us ever gave much thought to some of the benefits we had until we talked about them. For example:
Fresh draft beer at home - Seriously, beer aficionados will tell you keg beer tastes much better than bottled or canned beer.
We no longer have to pay a ton of money for a night out at the bar - I already knew that benefit, but I never did the actual math… it’s a lot! Usually, it costs around $30 or more for just a few beers. Think about it - possible cover charge to get in ($2-$5), drinks ($3/drink), server/bartender tips ($1/drink or 20% if you run a tab), cab rides ($10-15), maybe a round or two for your date or friend ($3/drink), snacks/appetizer ($5-10), and don’t forget feeding the jukebox ($5), etc. You can probably add another $10-20 to that if you are out for dinner too.
The kegerators are in a private location and only certain people know about them and are allowed to use them - It’s like we have seats in the VIP section at an NHL game. We can sit in our own comfy chairs, we don’t have to wait in any lines, we have control of the thermostat, the stereo and/or tv remote, and our snacks were already paid for and are readily available.
Favorite flavors - I usually have a craft or seasonal beer on tap. But the point is, we can have almost any beer we want (provided we have the right gas for it).
We don’t have to drive anywhere. Let me say that again, no driving! No DD.
They save us money in the long run - With the same amount of money, you get so much more beer in a keg compared to cans or bottles.
Once you tap it, the keg can stay fresh for up to 60 days. You don’t have to rush through it before it goes bad.
Sometime later, I found out that a mutual friend of ours was thinking about buying a kegerator. He knew we each had one, so he was constantly texting me and my co-worker and asking us questions. So one evening I grabbed a notebook, a couple of pints from the good-looking bartender in the mirror, and started to write down a few things that would land our friend in the VIP section too.
I accidentally created a secret society
I made sure to mention some of the things we talked about around the water cooler. I listed some general maintenance tips, great places to get kegs, and I mentioned some really cool tap handles I thought he should get. I wrote down everything.
I eventually started to focus on how there’s a common bond you share with someone else that has one too. I told him it’ll make him feel like he belongs to a private club.
Before I realized it, my brief list became a long list.
After I was done, I read it out loud and had to laugh - instead of a list, it was more like a blueprint for a fraternity.
So now I just needed to give it a name.
Like real fraternities, I used the Greek alphabet and jotted down - Kappa Epsilon Gamma (K E Γ).
Unlike other greek organizations, these letters don’t represent any secret words or hide esoteric meanings. This is just a sophomoric name I came up with that spells the word “keg” using Greek letters.
There aren’t any secret fraternity handshakes or rituals. But like the fraternity my former roommates and I belonged to, we are connected by its principles and belief system.
So in my blueprint, I took an element from my old fraternity and came up with 3 basic principles to follow. In this case, I refer to them as “The Three Great Sobering Truths.”
Those sobering truths are Friendship, Moderation, and Responsibility:
Friendship - Anytime you share a drink with friends, offer a toast. Say, “Slàinte” - or “Slàinte Mhath” - These are traditional Irish and Scottish toasts. They roughly translate to, “Health”, or “To good health.” It’s kind of like saying “Cheers!” but it has a little deeper meaning.
Moderation - Practice moderation. Having a keg doesn’t mean you have to chug a lot of beer. It also doesn’t mean you have to drink it every day. Also, go for quality, not quantity. Many brands of beer are available in small, medium, and large kegs.
Responsibility - Be accountable. Think about going to work in the morning. Take care of your family, especially if you have kids. Stay healthy. Don’t go out all the time. Save money.
Aside from that, I added a section to my blueprint that asks each member to warmly welcome new kegerator owners into our esteemed fraternity. They should tell them about the Three Great Sobering Truths and hand them this official letter to welcome them into K E Γ:
The official invitation and letter
My friend,
I'd like to officially welcome you to the fraternal order of kegerator owners. Kappa Epsilon Gamma (K E Γ) is a very prestigious and well-respected Fraternity. A distinction which but few merit and an honor to which but few attain. Our brothers and sisters all over the world stand ever-ready to raise a glass with you when you tap your 1st keg. Be mindful, our honor is in your keeping. We have committed the care of our reputation to you. You must never waste a pint or let a keg go flat. That dishonor will blacken not your character alone, but will also rest upon us.
Let the entire life of your kegerator be such, that when it is no longer capable of cooling your beverages, you've drawn the last pint, and emptied your final keg, you may be able to say looking back over its past life, "I've pulled its tap for the enjoyment of all. I've consumed a lot of beer. The many colors and varieties of beer have satisfied so many through its draw."
My friend, may you never pull the tap on an empty keg. May your pint glass always be filled with refrigerated delight. Wherever you plan on placing your beer cooler, know that you are a part of a special fraternity. And may you never set within its cooling chamber a beverage of lesser quality than that of the finest domestic or import this world can offer.
Slainte!
Yours in K E Γ,
Brother Graham
Member since 2001
